Both of you have been ‘in love’ for some time now and the next stage will be to walk down the isle to settle down for good. But are you sure he is the one?

Marriage can be a wonderful experience. It can be painful, frustrating, hilarious, comforting, annoying and tender. How much it leans to either end of the happiness spectrum depends on you making a good choice of partner at the beginning.

Marriage is a partnership and should be entered into only after a lot of thought and consideration with the idea that you will be with this person for the rest of your life.

Being in love is not a good enough reason to get marry. We can fall in love for many reasons and it doesn't mean that the person you have fallen in love with will be a good partner. Choosing a good partner makes all the difference between having a harmonious marriage and a difficult marriage. You need to seriously question how well the two of you can work together for a lifetime. Do you complement each other? Does he make you feel like a better person or a lesser one?

There are clearly a lot of other things to consider. Bad choices are going to be made regardless of how thorough you plan – that's life. You wouldn't go on a long tour without putting some thought and planning into it and your marriage should be treated in the same way. By planning and talking with your partner, you minimise the possible obstacles that both of you might face by first identifying them and getting them out in the open before they reach a critical, war-type, level.

One of the first things you need to have for each other is RESPECT. This is a must. You absolutely must respect him. This means that you respect his decision making, the way that he treats you, the way he treats others and also the way that he treats himself. Do you respect what he does for a living? Do you respect his family and he respects yours? Do you respect his time with friends and family? Do you respect his time to be alone? The faces of ‘respect’ are many and should be considered. If you cannot respect this person or if he does not respect you, this is a definite indication that things are not meant to be. Marrying this person would definitely not be in your best interest.

There should be clear and open lines of communication right from the very beginning. You should feel comfortable talking about concerns and fears with your partner. Sometimes, when disagreements arise, and they will, you need to know that you can talk it out without shouting or judging him. This is another place where respect comes in. Also, good communication involves active listening and understanding the other person's point of view. There are of course times that you will disagree and during those times, you should agree to disagree.

Another thing that should be discussed prior to marriage is MONEY. If he is in debt, are you willing to pay for him? Do remember, when you marry him, you also marry his debt. Also, there is a need to talk about how money will be spent and saved; how you will plan and save for retirement.

Next, is CHILDREN. Do you want children? It can become a problem if one spouse wants kids and the other does not. Also, if you decide to have children, will one of you stay home to care for them? Or will they be in day-care? Who will stay home with them when they are sick? With children comes a lot of work and sacrifice, are you willing to sacrifice your wants and desires for them?

Do your friends like him? While not all of your friends may like him, if they have a very strong opinion, at least consider what they have to say. It is important to maintain friendships outside of the marriage. It is also important to pursue your hobbies and interests. You need to continue to grow and so does he. You will find that you are more interested in someone who has a life away from you and that does not depend on you for everything that comes along.

The key is to always balance your various relationships. Look at the cost of your relationship. If you have to give up your friends, career or family, for example, the cost is too high. Imagine if everything were to fall apart, you are going to become emotionally bankrupt. It is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.

You should know that in matrimony, there will be many complicated and unexpected things that you have to face with him. Both of you will be partners in facing your life, so you need to be sure that both of you will be a good partner for each other. You need to assure yourself that you are really ready to face everything with him, good and bad things. It’s only after you have thought through these things that you are ready to decide if you want to accept his ring.

In order for a marriage to be successful, reality can’t be sugar-coated. Long term commitments are not for the faint-hearted. A lasting union takes a great deal of love, patience, true grit and guts. The benefits, however, are countless.